


Little Hell

by brotherfuckers



Series: Striderclan [124]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Glitter, Grandpa Harley - Freeform, Nudity, Raising kids, but of the cute kind, off screen mention of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 12:41:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3896707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brotherfuckers/pseuds/brotherfuckers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bro gets called away for something and leaves the two boys in D’s loving care, for better or for worse. D learns that it’s not easy to be Bro, no matter what it looks like.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Hell

“Hey D, welcome home. I’ve made ya some pasta, that fancy spaghetti shit with spicy sausage instead of meatballs, because you’re weird and like your sausage hot but we don’t judge and love ya still, and plenty of cheese. Someone, not namin’ any names ‘cause the midget was helpin’, might have knocked the parm in. But it still tastes good,” Bro announces from the kitchen as he hears the door open and close. He has to speak a little louder over the shrieks of the boys rushing D in greeting. He hears squealing as D picks up the two brats together in a large hug. It’s only after they get the initial wave of attention that D even has a chance to respond to Bro.

“That sounds good. I need a good meal. Sitting near the back of a very crowded plane with seats that barely fit my skinny ass is not a good day. Plus, I always hate losing those extra hours between California and here. It smells good. Probably won’t poison us.”

“Hey, that was only one time. Y’all ain’t ever lettin’ me live that down.”

A chorus of ‘no!’s fills the apartment.

“Yeah, yeah, love ya shits too. Go take a shower, D. That way you’ll feel human again before dinner.”

“Thanks, Bro.” He manages to shake the boys off and heads to the bathroom to do just as Bro suggested. When he comes out, the place smells fantastic. The food is already sitting in a bowl on the table with all four places set. There are even two glasses of wine on the table. Everything seems nice and homey. It makes D a little suspicious.

The boys seem to be on their best behavior and Bro seems a little less rough than usual. And spaghetti with sausage is his favorite dish. The wine is actually somewhat paired with the tomato and sausage. Bro is even asking him about his trip to Hollywood. D struggles to keep it PG while still conveying all of the events and headaches that went down. But Bro nods along and doesn’t even interrupt as he’s talking. The boys do, when they aren’t stuffing their faces, but that’s normal for them. D’s not worried about them. It’s the big one that he’s keeping an eye on.

After dinner the boys take the plates to the kitchen for cleaning later. Bro gets up and brings back a cake that looks actually homemade instead of store bought. Dirk and Dave bounce in their chairs as they wait for Bro to cut them pieces.

“Bro called up the ladies down the hall and asked them how to make a cake,” Dirk explains.

“He says that it’s for nothing special but it seems like a very special cake,” Dave adds, looking at D for confirmation.

“It does look like a special cake. Bro doesn’t bake very often, does he?”

“Nope! Usually we have to go to the store!”

“I hope it tastes good. I hope he didn’t make a sponge,” D teases even as Bro sets the plate down in front of him.

“It doesn’t! He let me have the bowl!”

“And I got the beater thingy!”

“Oh? And what flavor is it?”

“‘NILLA!” the twins shout together as they both get their plates.

“Vanilla, huh? Certainly sounds good,” he says with heavy suspicion aimed at their other guardian. Bro just nods sagely and finally puts down the knife after he cuts his slice. He just calmly starts eating his cake just about when the boys are done inhaling theirs. D starts eating his too to match Bro’s pace. They finish about the same time,  and the boys jump up again to handle the plates.

D just sits back and waits. Bro sits back and smirks. Obviously nothing bad has happened or Bro would be asking forgiveness already. Nothing has happened to the girls; that would have been a phone call. Which leans towards Bro buttering him up for something, and it’s just a matter of waiting for him to spill the beans.

He still doesn’t by the time he stands up to do the dishes, telling the brats to get ready for bed. D just sits at the table and sips his wine, narrowing his eyes at Bro’s back.

“So... Do I get a choice?”

“You’re gonna be in town for a couple days, ain’tcha?”

“Yes. I’m not getting a choice in this, am I?”

“Well, since you’re gonna be in town and all and the boys have missed ya somethin’ pretty dear even with their disappearin’ attention spans since their brains are being rotted out by television and public school to the point that I’m actually surprised their little hamster heads are still spinnin’-”

“Bro. Get to the goddamn point sometime this week.”

“I kinda already said yes to a date. It was a spur of the moment, heat of passion-”

“Too much.”

“Whatever. He asked me on an adventure and I said yes.”

“Adventure?”

“I don’t have all of the details and shit but he swears it’s gonna be wicked cool, okay not in those terms but I don’t know what forties handbook he got his terminology from but it’s cute but kinda unrepeatable in the presence of the young’uns. Not ‘cause it’s foul or nothin’ but I can’t lose my cool cred in front of them.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. So you got a date. With the same guy? Is this something serious, Bro?” D asks with sincerity. Bro never gets serious with those he dates. He makes that clear pretty upfront so that he’s not leading the poor souls on but he’s been hanging out with the same dude for a couple months now. D’s not even sure that Bro’s been with anyone else in that time span. He knows a lot of the dalliances when D’s not home happen during school hours which is fine as long as Bro is still reachable in case they have another incident like the icy swings last winter. Or the horizontal bar run the summer before.

“No. Well. Maybe. Ya know how I am. But...” Bro sets the pot down and turns to look back at D. “I don’t know. Somethin’s up. I feel like this is someone I could possible settle down with, mostly because his ‘settlin’ down’ just means that we’re going on adventure after adventure.”

“What about...” D glances down the hallway.

“I know.” He stops there. D knows that Bro has more to say but can’t quite say it while the brats are still awake. He’ll see if things need to be revisited after bedtime.

“So this adventure date.”

“Starts day after next and goes for a week. Which means it’ll be just ya with the brats. Just like I am when ya go off to Hollywood.”

D knows Bro doesn’t mean it as a stab, just as a logical argument, but when D is already pretty much won over thanks to the great welcome, dinner, and wine, it kinda hurts to be reminded that he’s not home all that often. Just like how-

“Hey, no gloomy face. I didn’t mean it like that. You’ll just be fillin’ my shoes for a week. If ya think it’s too much for ya or if ya ain’t here that long, I can call Harley up and tell him plans changed. He’ll understand.”

“I’ll do it, Bro. No need to break an old man’s heart.”

“He’s not that old.”

“I wasn’t talking about him.”

“Hey!” Bo flicks some suds at D’s mischievous smile.

“It’ll be good for me to get some bro time in with the boys. And no, I won’t need to be back in Hollywood for a long while.” He stretches. “You’re going to leave me a list of all the shit that they need to get done for school, right?”

“Yup. It’s over on my desk. And up on the calendar. You know the normal routines and shit. No doctor’s appointments or nothin’. It’s an easy week. I’m sure you’ll be able to handle it.”

“Of course. They're only what, five?”

“Eight!” the twins shout as they catch the last bit of conversation. They come barrelling out of the bathroom in their pajamas. D catches the scent of mint from them as they tackle him from both sides of the chair. “We’re eight!”

“And a half!” Dirk adds emphatically.

“Oh that’s right.” He grabs and tickles the twins. “You guys are two!”

“Eight!” they manage to call out together through the giggles and squeals.

Bro finishes the dishes and comes over to the pile of Striders. “Now D, ya know that ain’t fair. They are ten-”

“Eight!”

“-and you know it.”

“Eight! Eight! Eight!”

“Fine, fine, you guys are Eight,” D concedes to some cheering. “But eight year olds have bedtimes and it seems to be just about that time.”

“Awww, but you just got home!”

“I’ll be home for a while. And Bro’s going on a trip so it’ll be you guys and me for a while.”

“Yay!”

“Oi.”

“We love you too, Bro,” Dave says almost patronizingly, which is odd coming from a eight year old.

“But it’s D,” Dirk states as if that clears everything up.

“Oh. I see,” Bro says wisely. “Well, as D says, it’s bedtime for the bonzos so get to your room now.” D lets the boys go as they grumble all the way to the bedroom. He follows along and helps Bro get them all tucked in.

The guardians retire to the living room and end up watching some evening show on the television to unwind. D tells Bro a couple of the juicier stories from Hollywood and Bro catches D up on some of the tricker stuff from the boys and the neighborhood. He covers a little bit of what’s coming up but the biggest school thing is just the cliche solar system project. D doesn’t mind handling that one. The television shifts to more of the late night shows and they haven’t heard a peep from the boys.

“So,” D starts.

“Yeah.” Bro sighs and leans against D. “I don’t wanna... give them up, give up on them. And I never expected to. Ya know how I am. I was honestly expectin’ ya to find someone and settle down first. That one chick almost happened. Still kinda glad that didn’t work out. Didn’t quite like her.”

“So you’ve said.”

“But yeah. I wasn’t expectin’ to find someone. I’m still not a hundred percent. But there’s something about him. He’s always bringin’ somethin’ to the table. And goddamn he’s a romantic fellow. I could see this goin’ for longer term that I thought possible.”

“But...”

“But it would break their hearts. You’re in Hollywood where you’re supposed to be. D, we weren’t meant to be parents, not to these two. That’s really Mom’s job. It still is, she does a great job. I just wish he...”

“I know what you mean.” D does know. They had just enough of their father’s presence to know kinda what that felt like. The twins haven’t had that. They’ve only really had their older brothers. Nearly old enough to be their fathers, a thought that makes D shiver. “We’re not supposed to put our lives on hold for the boys. They know that. And they are older now. It isn’t the same situation. We can explain to them why things have to change.”

Bro’s mouth frowns a little but he nods.

“So don’t worry about that while you are figuring shit out. Just enjoy your adventure date. I’ll hold down the fort.”

Bro grunts and leans harder against D.

“You’ll be fine. Stop worrying. You’ll give yourself gray hair and wrinkles.”

Bro growls but lets up on the leaning. “Thanks D.”

“Any time.”

* * *

When Bro leaves, there is a little bit of fanfare from the boys. It’s almost like they were sick of Bro. They probably needed a break. They of course promise Bro to be good and Bro promises to come back with souvenirs. There’s a round of hugs and then the door closes behind Bro.

The twins immediately turn towards D expectantly.

“What? What do you want?”

“Pizza!” Dave shouts immediately.

“Videogames!”

“Um...”

“Bro said that you’d get up pizza rolls. I want to see if I can eat a whole bag! And so does Dirk. Which means we’ll need at least...” Dave counts on his fingers, one for himself, one for Dirk, and one for D... “At least four!”

“And Bro’s been promising us a Gamecube but the last time we asked, he said that you’d buy it for us.”

D keeps looking back and forth between the boys suspiciously. “He didn’t tell me either of these things.”

“Probably forgot.”

“He was too busy packing.”

“And he’s getting old.”

“And he thought you’d just know.”

“He left it up to us to tell you.”

It’s sounding more and more suspicious as they go on.

“Well I’m not letting you eat a whole bag by yourself. Even split between the two of you. So we can go to the store and get one. One bag. And I’ll think about the Gamecube. Might get it for you if you guys are good for me for the whole week.”

“We will be!” Then they rush off to go get dressed enough for the store.

* * *

The promise of a Gamecube only works a couple of days. Then the glitter distracts them. D’s not even sure why he allowed the glitter. None of the planets are actually glittery but the boys insisted at the store that it would make them look better and that they needed more for the stars and everything. Dirk’s model is a bit more laid out and the hoops of wire actually look round. Dave’s is a bit of a mess as he went for more of an artistic approach. As long as it still had nine planets around a sun inside a box in the relatively correct order, who is D to stop him.

But goddamn there was glitter everywhere. Glitter is the herpes of crafts and he’s sure that some of it even got on Bro’s stuff which isn’t going to go over well. At least he managed to contain it away from the electronics and kept it to just the living room and the kitchen. Though there is one small trail leading to the bathroom.

Which means at least one of them had it under his clothes. And there goes the other as Dave smears his hand on Dirk’s back where his shirt had ridden up.

He helps them finish their designs, at least to the point that they have to wait for all of the glue to dry. He puts all of the extra clay, felt, wire, and ugh, glitter back into the craft store bag to throw away, he means, put away.

“Okay, brats, clean up time.”

“Ehehehe, you’re all sparkly, D.”

“Yeah, wonder whose fault that is. You guys go take a shower. Put your clothes straight into the washer on your way.” He hopes that that won’t glitter-fy everything that goes through the laundry for the next year. “I’ll work on vacuuming this stuff up.”

The boys run off, stripping as they go as D pushes himself up from the ground to take a look at the glittery battlefield. Fuck. Never again.

He tosses his own ruined shirt into the washer as he grabs the vacuum from the small closet space. He works on sucking everything that isn’t part of the project up as he hears the two boys giggling from the bathroom. He works his way methodically in a spiral out from ground zero. The futon will be giving them glitter butt for a while. He gets to the kitchen and is washing out the sink when he hears the shower cut off. He hears more giggles but isn’t too concerned. He realizes his mistake when he sees a streaker run out from the bathroom, flash him and then run back.

He just stands there with his eyes closed. Part of him knows he should have expected it. Another part is kinda horrified that that happened. Just as he opens them again, he sees the other one make a dash for it and moon him. Great.

With their hair wet and such a quick glance he has no idea which is which but he can yell at them both. “Put on some damn clothes, brats. No one needs to see that.”

“You didn’t see us!”

“We were flashstepping!”

“You were flashing alright, but I could see your birthday suits as clear as day.”

“Nope!” There are more giggles. D just sighs and turns away just as he hears the running footsteps. There is a soft cry of dismay as whoever it was heads back to the bathroom. D smirks, defeated by not looking. But it doesn’t sound like they are done. It’s a soft sound of barely there bare feet on the hardwoods but it seems they have taken to sneaking around. Probably still nude.

D just closes his eyes and continues to clean. He knows his way around the apartment enough to make it without looking. He finishes the sink as he hears giggles to his left. He turns that way and heads around the corner and down the hall. He hears someone jumping out of the way. He stops again at the laundry room and strips down to his boxers before tossing them in. He peeks a little to press the right buttons to turn the machine on. Then he continues down the hall to the bathroom where another brat has to jump away before D steps into him. D makes sure he can hear both of them outside before firmly closing the door. Finally he opens his eyes and takes as quick of a shower as he can because he’s sure that they are up to something else.

* * *

He was right. It’s a warzone. All of those previous warzone analogies he used earlier are nothing compared to the apocalypse in front of him. A mere paintball fight compared to no man’s land. They had gotten back into the draft bag and made war paint out of the paint, glue, and glitter. They are covered in the stuff. Head to toe. And with the wet hair, D knows it’s not coming out easily. He just whimpers. He’ll need a beer tonight.

* * *

In the end they do manage to wheedle a Gamecube out of him somehow, and that’s what they are playing when Bro comes home. Bro has a very healthy tan, just a little burnt around the edges, and toting an extra bag that the boys soon find is full of tropical souvenirs. D just waves at him from the couch, defeated and worn out. Bro just laughs at him and drapes a cheesy lei of fake flowers around his neck.

Bro orders out while the boys tell him all about what happened while he was away, including showing him the new game system. Whenever they mention glitter, D flinches.

They all eat on the couch because D refuses to move. The boys listen to Bro’s appropriate stories about the adventure but D can hear the particular holes that he leaves out. Not that he needs those holes filled. Eventually the boys start yawning and Bro sends them to bed. After they are all tucked in, he comes back out to D, sitting down next to him with two opened beers.

“I have so much more respect for you.”

“They are quite a handful, ain’t they?”

D just nods.

“Ya did good, big bro.” Bro wraps an arm around his shoulders and pulls him in. “Ya runnin’ for Hollywood soon?”

“Nah. I still got some time off. I’ll be around.”

“Cool.” He takes a sip. “So... glitter?” He laughs as D shudders under his arm.

 

**Author's Note:**

> For more information please check out our work at striderclan.tumblr.com; we have more stories, head canons, art/pictures.


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